Zombies ate his Buick. He has filed a claim but keeps getting the runaround.
	He doesn't mow his lawn! He DARES the grass to grow, baby!!
	He is a black belt in defenstration.
	He thinks the Scopes Trial was some kind of a mouthwash test.
	His arch nemesis is The Bizarro Hamburglar. He also has a blood feud with Hamtaro.
	Was that guy in the back of your creative writing college class who was "really into Tori, Bjork and PJ Harvey."
	Has four bachelor's degrees (Medieval Literature, Writing, Film Studies, Communication) and a Master's degree in Technical Communication, all from CU (go buffs!) Ex VP of Rocky Mountain Sigma Tau Delta. I GOT AN STD (membership card).
	Also a member of the Burger King Clean Plate Club, and am a third level mac daddy superfly Jedi Knight (through Sally Struther's Corresponence School... minor in Linguine Studies)
	Loves german food, mexican food, indian food, japanese, sushi, hell, anything that won't eat him first. But I draw the line at Cardassian cuisine. Yick.
	Ex-boxer, does tae kwon do and some karate. He could take out Sagat, Steven Segal, LeFou AND Gargamel all at the same time. With his pinkie.
	His thesis that Omar Khayyam was actually Shel Silverstein in a cunning disguise was submitted to Villanova. They are not returning his phone calls.
	Had ex-girlfriends who had threatened to: 1.) devour him 2.) shoot him (then herself) 3.) turn him into a eunuch... with a spoon... while we were at The Olive Garden... 4.) stuff firecrackers down his throat and shove a lit match up his butt 5.) take me to a Color Me Badd concert (shudder)
	Was fired from Best Brains Incorporated by Mike Nelson (in a dream).
	Is a lesbian trapped in a man's body.
	Thinks that java is phat city and Flash Script is The Bomb Diggity.
	Dating eligibility greatly diminished by using words like "phat city" and especially "bomb diggity."
	Just recently realized that Garfield and Heathcliff are two COMPLETELY different cats.
	Gave The Saint Crispain's Day Speech from Henry V, impromptu, in the Pasadena Mall Food Court Chick Fila.
	Had his own laundry turn on him one terrible day.
	Was once the King of Spain. Now he works at the Pizza Pizza.
	Has a birthmark on his ass that resembles Whistler's Mother....
	Just kidding. It resembles "The Death of Marat" by Jacques Louis-David.
	Avowed britcom fan... especially Monty Python and Blackadder.
	Framed Colonel Mustard. Dated Miss Scarlet. Was flunked by Professor Plum. Served Jury Duty with Mrs Peacock. Bowls with Mr. Green. Doesn't know what to make of Miss White but I see her checking me out.
	Banished from Rohan for running a pyramid mail scam.
	Also banished from Narnia for crimes against pixies. Also, Reepicheep kicked his ass from one end of Cair Paravel to the other and he knows he can never live that down.
	Another pathetic geek who thinks Juilliana Hatfield/Kate Bush "would really be into him" if she knew him.
	As of Sept 2006, the only GenCon Forumite to be spanked by Lesimony with a giant True Dungeon token (for crimes against humanity)
	He IS Mister Fancy Pants.
	Proud member of the Kentucky Fried Gamers (Big Mike/Th' One-Eyed Coon Dawg)
	You must reallly be bored to have read all of this...